Miss me?

When social sites enabled blogging, I didn't feel like going back & forth to more than one site. Who knew I'd end up on so many, trying to keep up with my friends, since email is apparently "old school" now? Hell, if not for Hot Chicks Dig Smart Guys, I'd have forgotten this completely!

Here's where I am now:

Live Journal: BeeyochKitty
http://beeyochkitty.livejournal.com/

Facebook: Shirley NotListed
http://www.facebook.com/mobile/?account#/profile.php?id=837169169&ref=name

Twitter: @BooMeringue
http://twitter.com/BooMeringue

I also have accounts at MySpace, Tribe.net, Arizona Corsairs, and a few others, but I'm very rarely on them anymore.

Haiku Under Duress

OK! I finally got the video of my Alwun House haike performance online! Joe gave me a DVD copy of it aaaages ago, but you know how quickly I get around to things, lol.

The Nyquil and Yogurt Diet

OK, so I'm back from Atlanta with a runny nose & hacking cough. At first I think it's a cold, but then I read that pollen counts are record-high all over the country. Doesn't matter; I just Nyquil myself into unconciousness, waking only to suck down some yogurt & go back to sleep. Now, if only someone would pay me for it, my life would be complete.

Video madness sent to me from Alex:


You know old Walt was a freak...


You may or may not know how I feel about statistics, but someone is forwarding an email that pretty much sums it up for me (and is funny as hell, which is even better):

Bread Statistics

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

Mmmmm .... time for a sammich.

Training the NeuroTypical

Yes, another “why people suck” rant. Hey, it’s not MY fault that there are so many reasons!

Tom & I are going to a business conference in Atlanta this week, so Vincent will have to take the bus to school for his last day. Since I usually drive him in the morning, we went to the office to find out what time he’ll need to be at the bus stop. The lady is very helpful to me; she didn’t have the info, but did give me the number for Transportation so I could find out. Then, she turns to Vincent & asks, “Who’s your teacher?” Huh? Vincent, confused, asked, “What?” The office lady, assuming it was a simple question just stood there & waited for an answer.

I wasn’t sure what she wanted, either, but I took a stab at it and said, “Your homeroom teacher?” “OH! Mrs. Grimsley”. So then, she told Vincent to let his teacher know that he would be taking the bus on Thursday. But not why he should.

I walked out thinking, “Why didn’t she just say, ‘Make sure you let your teacher know that you’ll be taking the bus on the last day of school, in case it’s late”? It seems that would be more efficient than asking a vague question totally unrelated to bus schedules.

Instead of training us autistics to figure out what “code” syllables people can be bothered to grunt out, perhaps Effective Communications classes should be mandatory. I’ve never in my adult life needed to write an effective essay – I have, however, needed to logically and clearly present ideas to other people. Tech schools like Collins College DID require me to take a public speaking class, and it was awesome; it’s time the universities caught up.

On a personal note, let me explain the difference between “infatuation” and “like/love”.

Yes, there is someone I think about a lot, someone sweet and sexy and good with his hands. However, his main purpose in my life right now is to inspire me to ask myself, “Just how many years am I going to try to make this thing with Tom work before I give it up as the lost cause that it’s been for a long time?” (you know how hard it is for me to let go, lol) So – maybe, after he’s gone through all the cute young women throwing themselves at him online, he’ll get around to asking me out. If not, that’s ok, too. Disappointing, but ok. It’s so nice to have a guy friend that I can talk to that openly; I’m not going to let poutiness get in the way.

When I get passionate, people always think I’m way more serious than I am. I love you all for your concern, it’s very sweet! It’s not fair, though, that at least one of you is still mad at Kevin for “the way he treated me”. C’mon; I know you’ve heard the phrase Mr. Right Now…

NOW – a cute thing Kathy posted on MySpace that I thought I’d post here instead of forwarding in an email. You’re welcome!

Helpful Hints for all my Guy Friends

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?

SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?

SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?

SAFER: Wow, you sure look good in brown!

SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!

ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?

SAFER: Could we be overreacting?

SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.

ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?

SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.

SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?

SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.

SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!

ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

Giving White People a Bad Name

So ok, I was at the premeire for "Over the Hedge" last night. I liked it! Not the best movie you'll see this year, but a good time none the less. I love Hammy.

Now, the area the theater was in is predominantly Hispanic, and the premier was sponsered by a Spanish-language radio station, so when the giveaways started, I wasn't surprised that the lady was conducting it in Spanish. This didn't stop other rude fucks in the audience from yelling self-righteously, "SPEAK ENGLISH!". After 3 or 4 different shouts, the poor lady was looking uncomfortable and glancing sideways at her boss, who was starting to look pissed (he was a white guy, too) -- so I yelled, "SPEAK FRENCH!" To my utter shock, the stupid shouts stopped.

The things that were given away in Spanish were books, magazines, posters ... printed in Spanish. After those were gone, they gave away the printed-in-English stuff away in English. I hope the O'Reilly fans felt stupid. Probably not, but I can dream.

This made me feel a lot better; when I first got there, I didn't feel so good. My ex, Jeff (aka "Snake") was there. That's not the bad part ... the screwy thing was seeing who his new wife is. He's now marryed to Beth -- the same Beth that Vincent's dad, Mark, was married to!! At first it was funny; I told my friend, "We have to warn Tom that he's next!" But then I thought about it ... she's marryin' all the guys that wouldn't marry me! Bitch! I've often wondered what makes me inherently un-marriable, but my sadness can morph into anger, now that it has a focus. Unfair? Yes. I don't care. "Well, that's not very Libra of you, Shirley." Perhaps you're forgetting my Scorpio Ascendent.

I once read that your Sun sign was the self that you show to people, and your Ascendent was who you are on the inside. That fits here; I would never go around talking shit about Beth for her man choices, but I have no problem thinking nasty, petty things in my own mind.

However, as penance, I make myself watch this: